


Not So Easily Forgotten

by Dewsparkle



Series: Little Stories of the Avenging Kind [9]
Category: Marvel, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Forced Pregnancy, Gen, Implied Child Death, Implied Kidnapping, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Loki Feels, Loki Needs a Hug, Loki's Kids, Loki-centric, Odin's A+ Parenting, Post Mpreg, remembering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-10 23:14:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11701869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dewsparkle/pseuds/Dewsparkle
Summary: There's a pressure in his mind. It has been there for nearly as long as Loki can remember, but had grown worse after his last return from the healing rooms. Lately, it has gotten worse, and now he knows, he knows that someone had put it there. He needs to unravel the threads around his mind- his safe place- and remove what does not belong.Loki is not prepared for what he finds.





	Not So Easily Forgotten

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little one-shot that's been pinging around on my laptop for a while. *shrug*

There was a pressure in his head. It had been there since he woke from the healing rooms after he’d fallen from a cliff preventing Thor from losing his head to the beast his brother had insisted on hunting.

Loki sat in his chambers, a book open and forgotten in his lap as he contemplated the pressure. He recognised it, and it had been there for a long time, since he was a young child and it grew worse when he was older, but never like this. He’d always been prone to headaches and such, it pulsed when he was stressed and when he was around horses, though why that was he did not know.

But now, he felt it always and he realised, with horror, that someone had _put_ this strange pressure there. With this though, the pressure began to ache and Loki hissed, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing cool fingers against his temples.

The fire crackled as wood split from the heat, the wind through an open window made him shiver slightly. He waved his hand and the window shut, leaving only the warmth from the fire as company.

What was it? He prodded at it with his seidr, recoiling slightly when the presence resisted his gentle inspection. It felt familiar. Someone he knew had put it there? But who? He could count on one hand how many people close to him had seidr and would still be able to lose fingers without an issue.

Already, he was mentally ticking them off. Thor, with his hammer, had some seidr that he channelled through Mjolnir, but could use it for nothing else. He was not built for the housing and conduction of seidr, like others. Most seidr users had to use objects and incantations to properly harness seidr, like Odin, but for Loki and his mother, seidr was a born gift. Always there, churning away under everything else. A sixth sense, almost.

So why had it taken him so long to notice this presence in his own mind? His seidr was a part of him just like blood through veins. Why did he not notice?

He began to pick at the net of the intrusion, his power quickly subduing the meek defences it had, weakened by age. It was long, tiring work, that took hours to complete. As the last thread came free and dissolved, Loki had a truly terrifying moment where his mind went blank and he was unable to form any thoughts or call up any memories before it all came rushing back.

He cried out, convulsing and jerking himself out of his chair, desperately holding his head as his memories reordered themselves to accommodate what had been missing, leaving him curled into himself on the hard floor of his rooms.

_A wall, a horse, **pain pain pain terror** so much pain fear why **make it stop** -_

_Months terrified and alone, trapped in the form of a mare- giving birth in a damp cave in the snow-_

_Eight legs- pride pain exhaustion- His father carrying away the foal mere hours after it had taken its first steps- suckled from Loki’s teats for milk for the first time- crying out for his mother- a name that he’d heard before and now it made sense why it hurt to hear- **Sleipnir** \- why horses hurt to see- his child- his poor poor babe-_

_A giant woman. Cruel **, pain, terror, pain** as she took her pleasures from him- fear as his belly began to swell with child- months of pain and fear as she did what she wanted to him, magic spent and distant and whatever was left protecting his womb from her torture-_

_Birthing while chained to a wall with seidr dampening cuffs- twins. Natural shapeshifters- names- **Fenrir, Jörmungandr** \- more pain, more taking what was not freely given- again he swelled- he had not moved from the wall, trying to care for the two babes, shifting to give himself breasts for them to feed from so they would not starve, but he was starved, there was not enough-_

_Pain pain pain another birth, male body stretching in ways it was not designed to- not enough energy to shift- a too small babe, a little girl, half dead and silent. On the left a milky white eye and rotting skin on her pale face, left hand more bone with some muscle and no skin. Dying, dying always too silent. His little girl did not make a sound, and she would not drink. She grew smaller and smaller and more of her side began to rot._

_Rage, pain pain fear, anger- blood, so much blood, a large corpse at his feet. A sheet ripped apart to hold the babes- stumbling blindly though some forest in a realm he did not recognise or care to try. Brilliant light in the sky- relief._

_Odin looking down at his broken form in disgust, ripping the sickly babes from his arms- a hand to his head, fear fear fear- nothing._

Loki gasped, frantically, curling in on himself and hugging his torso as if to hold himself together. His face was hot and wet and his throat thick and eyes sore, a new pounding in his temples.

Feelings of betrayal ran through his mind. How could his father- Odin do that to him? His children- what happened to them? He felt ill. Odin had been in his mind- his sacred place. He’d as good as raped him like the fathers of his children. He taken something from Loki without his consent.

He already knew the location of one of his children, and suspected another. He’d have to find them. He needed to find them- free them from whatever torture they’d been left in. He’d beg their forgiveness and help them hide if he could.

He would not let Odin know he knew, for if he did, he had no reason to believe his father wouldn’t tear away the memories once again, making sure that Loki would not find them again as he had done now. He would not forget his children, not again.

He hated the circumstances of their conception and birth, but they were his. They were his and he refused to let anyone continue to take what was his. Once he had found his children, then, and only then, would Loki get his revenge.


End file.
